Outing with my dad

Well today in the morning went to temple to pray to mother. It was really... quiet I dont dare to speak and ... well the same things went on. But today early in the morning I was so pissed. I was like insisting that I must buy the flower but my dad said no..... And you know why he say no, because it is the last day and he say that it is no use buying flower because the helper in the temple will clear it up. Fuck it... What kind of attitude.... Your wife is dead and you can't even present a flower to her on her last day. What a husband??? Then later I went out with him. And we had a special guest. Aunty Jacaliqne. Great we had her. We went to make a spectacles for myself. She came along we us, for dinner too. We went to Kushin-Bo to eat. That was Gulity NO1. Oh there is this place beside Kushin-bo. It is a garden. There is a fountain. It is nice place, very pretty during dusk. I bet mom will like it. That was Guilty NO2. Then we went to eat. I was having a lot of fun. Aunty was nice. That is Guilty NO3 and NO4. I like her but not as my new mum. She was fun to be with, she is my friend... I never treat her like my real mum. Then I went home. My 2nd aunt found out I went out with that aunt. I did not tell her the truth. I lied to her I only went out with dad. Then she got angry because I was unfilial. Because I was enjoying my time with someone else other then my mum. I am really shocked by her way of talking to me. I now know no one liked me. First is my mum, then it my cousin then now my aunt. I know I am wrong, I am guilty but what am I to do? Don't go out with my dad? What? I am very confused. I hate it. I dont want to lie. I dont want to hide. I want to be normal. Is it wrong ? Please leave me alone. I am very tired. I don't want to be hated. I don't want to be unfilial. I don't want to hurt anyone. But why is everyone hurting me. First they disagree with my music, then my size, now they even disagree with my everything...... I did not mean to really... to just leave mum and have fun. I am really sorry. Actually now my current state, I realise something.... I have no one to love. In fact now everyone I think is hate and meaningles blabber. Whatever. You don't like me fine. I cant do anything. I give up. I am not nice anymore. And I will just remain nochalant.